How goes? Did you survive April Fool's Day?

I sure hope so, otherwise we'd have a situation on our hands. I'd feel obligated to inform the authorities of our zombie readers, and well…stuff would get literally and figuratively messy. So if you are a zombie reading this post, then don't put me in that position by telling me. Otherwise congratulations, you are a fairly advanced zombie capable of language skills. I'm quite impressed (and jealous) actually.

Perhaps the worst April Fool's joke came from Elfrid Payton's photo-shopped attempt to convince people of his haircut.

A) That's not a joke. B) There's no way he'd do that … we just named him to the Recapalooza All-Hair Team two weeks ago! You can't take that privilege lightly.

Anywhoo, I decided to pull a belated April Fool's joke on all the human and non-human readers. I wonder what it could be?

I'll give you a hint: take five…no wait, FOUR seconds to look over the article for a subtle irregularity.

Yes, that's right, I'm trying to pass off my laziness as an April Fool's Day joke on April 2nd.

This may be a new low. I should probably note this in my journal, so I can run it past my shrink. I think there's room next to “zombie paranoia". Yep…there we go.

NOW ON WITH THE RECAPALOOOOOOZA:


Terrence Jones in “Big Hero 6" takes home Vine of the Week

Light 'em up, up, up .. Light 'em up, up, up .. Light 'em up, up, up: He's on fiiiiiiire!

Terrence Jones pulled off the unthinkable last night. First off, he was listed as highly questionable throughout the day, but Houston's newly acquire “Baymax personal nurse robot" was able to treat his rib injury.

Jones then went out and completed a 6 FANTASY POINT PLAY in one possession – blocking Carl Landry three times in 5 seconds...Now that's what I call FP/min (or sec) efficiency.

It appears the improbable 4-point play has met its match, at least for daily fantasy purposes.


Timberwolves apply for “mercy clause" to end season

The end of the season can't come soon enough for the Minnesota Timberwolves, as commissioner Adam Silver is expected to deny their “mercy clause" to forfeit the final two weeks. Unfortunately, the Wolves will have to power through the homestretch with rookies and D-League caliber players.

Just to give you an idea on how bad Minnesota's situation currently is, here's the latest official injury report:


PG – Ricky Rubio (facial blemish) does not want to be seen in public with a pimple. With the Timberwolves already out of the playoff race, there's no sense in risking his “pretty boy" reputation. Rubio is receiving topical cream daily, but he'll remain locked in his house for at least another week.


SG – Kevin Martin (shoulder) has such an unnatural shooting style, that his arm is actually starting to detach from his shoulder. He is practicing a left-handed shot (actually looks smoother), but he won't play until he can hit rim from 3-point range.


C – Nikola Pekovic (went too hard on “leg day") will miss the rest of the season. Pekovic lifts weights 7x a day, and he apparently overdid it. Ricky Rubio was spotting him on squats; however, he was distracted by a nearby mirror. C'mon bruh!


PF – Kevin Garnett (old) has unofficially retired as an active NBA player, developing his talents as a professional towel waver.


C – Gorgui Dieng (just trying to fit in) says he's hurt too. The specifics of his injury have not been disclosed.


SF – Shabazz Muhammad (searching for a time machine) did not travel with the team. Ever since Muhammad was caught lying about his age, he has been considered questionable due to a relentless pursuit to turn back the clock.



Chris Paul creates new daily fantasy narrative?

CP3 went for nearly 80 fantasy points against Portland on Wednesday. Don't get me wrong, Paul is a great player, but he's usually not one to showcase surreal Russell Westbrook-like upside. In other words: he's not a ballhog.

However, when looking back on the situation, it appears that Paul had a little extra motivation. He was embarrassed by Stephen Curry the night before, nearly blowing out both knees trying to defend a stepback jumper (click on Vine above – in case you thought it was just a random still picture of nothing in particular).

This may be the beginning of a new angle to target in daily fantasy:

“Embarrassed in a Vine gone viral, pissed, out for blood next game."

If this is actually a thing, Carl Landry (the unfortunate antagonist in the Big Hero 6 Vine earlier) will be in EVERY. DAMN. LINEUP next time Sacramento plays.



Reggie Jackson allergic to 40 fantasy points

On Tuesday, it was well documented that Detroit PG Reggie Jackson was under the weather. While most suspected he caught the “mystery illness" that every starter on a non-playoff team seemingly has. We were later notified of his rare condition.

As it turns out, Jackson is allergic to scoring more than 40 fantasy points. He was coming off five straight 40+ FP outings when the symptoms really started to set in.

“It was a shock to his system", said Tom Healington: Head Trainer for the Detroit Pistons. “He can have one or two 40 FP outings and be okay, but five straight is way too much. His body couldn't handle it, hence the impending illness."

Jackson has went two straight games under the 40 FP threshold, so he should be feeling better. However, with Greg Monroe out, an allergic outbreak could rear its ugly head before the end of the season.

Take note for daily fantasy purposes.





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