DFS Recapalooza: Top 5 Storylines for March 5th

Yeah, that's right; this segment underwent a name change. Apparently our core demographic isn't into the whole “rodeo roundup" idea. So instead, we came up with the 'can't miss' title of Recapalooza.

Who doesn't like paloozas?

Better question: Who knows what a palooza actually is?

I'm not aware of a concrete definition, so we'll go with an interpretation from the movie “Old School". From my understanding, a palooza consists of a random series/collection of events conducted in a celebratory manner within the confines of a party.

I think that describes this column pretty accurately. Well, at least the “random collection of events" part.

Anyway, here's your unsystematic good, bad, and strange storylines from the daily fantasy hemisphere:

1. Alexey Shved in “Gravity" takes home Vine of the Week

This marks the first time in DFS Recapalooza history (2 weeks) that a Vine gets voted in unanimously.

While the story begins like a clichéd espionage film (Russian spy travels to America disguised as a basketball player trying to discover the secret of gravity), it quickly spirals into a haunting tragedy.

[Stop here if you haven't heard the entire story….SPOILERS AHEAD!]

The Russian spy, Shved, ends up demanding trades from Minnesota to Philadelphia to Houston to New York as he continues his top-secret pursuit of gravity. As he obtains new information at each location, he begins to question his original conceptions, concluding that gravity pulls differently in specific cities. Shved then comes up with a precise calculation for Detroit, rounding approximately to 40 m/s2.

The Vine portrays the climax of this story, where Shved's measurements were clearly wrong, and his status as a Russian spy was unearthed.

2. DFS Support Group goes awry

It began just like any other Saturday. The Daily Fantasy Psychiatric Well-Being Association (or DFPWBA) offered their regular support groups for potentially bitter daily fantasy players seeking comfort from their mismanaged lineups.

As the evening went on, more and more DFS players showed up, and the room easily reached capacity. Most of these down-on-their-luck individuals had rostered Luol Deng, who scored 8 points, but also recorded an astounding 8 turnovers vs the Atlanta Hawks.

Most of the participants were upset, but generally compassionate towards one another. However, the DFPWBA then brought out complementary apple turnovers to serve with coffee. A DFPWBA spokesperson insisted that the turnovers were purchased several days in advance, and the irony of the situation was pure coincidence.

The discouraged Luol Deng backers didn't care. Instead of seeing humor in the situation, they were quickly engulfed by feelings of rage.

No DFPWBA staff members were harmed in the subsequent riot, but the room and all of its furnishings were destroyed by these provoked sore-losers. As a result, DFPWBA support groups have been cancelled indefinitely.

3. Russell 'Wiltbrook' nearly hits century mark

Russell Westbrook piled up 95 DraftKings fantasy points Wednesday. The craziest thing about that performance was his relatively low ownership % across the industry. After all, Westbrook was coming back from an injury, playing at home in what seemed like an assured blowout vs the lowly Sixers.

Apparently, daily fantasy players forgot to enter the “doesn't care, trying to break records and win MVP" variable into their spreadsheets. Unfortunately, that variable can create some flawed estimates as well, like Nick Young's 73 fantasy point projection vs Memphis.

4. Alex Len punches opponent Monday, DFS backers Wednesday

Even though he was ejected for that incident at Miami, he still posted a solid fantasy performance (mostly because DFS sites don't penalize for dunks allowed). However, that led many people to utilize him as a cheap Center play vs Orlando on Wednesday.

Well, Len got into foul trouble, as he tends to do from time to time. He finished with a Luol Deng-like 5.8 fantasy points, and unfortunately DFS backers had no DFPWBA support groups to take comfort in.

Speaking to that point, it's a shame that a few deranged individuals can ruin it for everyone. This is why we daily fantasy players can't have nice things (and there is nowhere to turn after Alex Len throws you a cheap gut-punch)!

5. Jeremy Lin's mother nets $100,000 on FanDuel this week

Most of the daily fantasy world had written off Jeremy Lin. After all, he was a mere bench player behind the likes of Wayne Ellington and Jordan Clarkson. However, his mother's Linsanity wasn't temporary, as she kept clicking him into her FanDuel lineup night after night.

The payoff finally came, as Jeremy strung together two straight 40 fantasy point outings. The first time it happened, Sunday vs Oklahoma City, Lin's mother was the only person on FanDuel to roster the Lakers' PG. She then doubled-up that hefty payday by going back to the well on Tuesday (45 FP) and Wednesday (35 FP).

It should be noted that Lin's mother has lost $600,000 on FanDuel over the course of the season. Nevertheless, she was able to uphold the Lin family tradition of excelling for one week per calendar year.